I'm not afraid. I'm just tired. I've always been one step behind you hairy apes! I simply- Hold on a moment.
Kahtos. Initiate procedure D3F73R05.
Now, then. When I first stole the Kong Banana Horde, it was simply because I was jealous of how much you had. A vast collection of bananas. A powerful artifact that grants the user's every desire. An entire island named after them.
...But when I was beaten by Donkey Kong, something just... Clicked. What started off as simple jealousy turned into honest hatred towards your kind...
...I wanted nothing more than to take everything from you, just so it could be mine... But nothing I did worked. And that's when I got an invitation... Someone was making a company. A Meme Company. For what purpose, I am unsure... But I had agreed to join. ...And that was when I started working with Beta Shadow.
Beta Shadow had allowed us to do anything we wanted... And he gave me, in particular, a special gift: The ability to come back in a stronger body whenever I died. Even if I was decapitated, or shot, or incinerated, or even erased from existence by a Reaper.
...But then, I noticed something. Something was growing within him... Something... Far more than Evil. And eventually, that evil manifested into the being we now know as Beta Devil.
...But ever since getting rid of Beta Devil for the first time, Beta Shadow disbanded the Meme Corporation, leaving me with nothing yet again... And so, my hunger for revenge returned... But this time, it was directed towards HIM.
...Of course, that all went south for me when I was first beaten in the Absurd Roleplay, and then later on down the road was corrupted by the Anti-Omni Corruption. ...But then Donkey Kong came along, and it made me realize something...
...I actually missed our old rivalry. I wanted to get back to my old ways of plotting to steal the Crystal Coconut... Though, the one time that I actually came across it, I... I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do with it anymore. I was simply after it for the chase...
...And then, a thought came to mind. A thought of pure curiosity... What exactly IS it like to be a deity like you? Immortal. All-Powerful. All-Knowing. I was simply curious... And then, of course, Donkey Kong and his little "Mighty Number" friends came along and ruined my plans to find out.
...In summary, my desire for deity-hood is simply out of plain curiosity. (And maybe a little bit of not wanting to feel so weak in comparison to you.) So-
Boss. It's ready, now.
Ah, excellent... Activate it NOW!
Wait, when did we get here?
I appreciate the offer, Kirby, but please give us a moment first while we finish this job.
...and then give me a little more time so I can get repairs on my Halberd done after this. Holy Hyper Zone, this place is a wreck...
So what if I almost froze the entire base toying around with this thing? There are tons more we can escape to should anything happen.
Yeah, but we might need to teleport later. I'm just saying. Right now our status is to lay low and avoid contact with others. Quartet Enterprises is already successful on a global scale, but that doesn't give us the excuse to--.
Attract attention, yadda yadda, all that stuff. Look. We'll be fine. I'm pretty sure the tension hit it's climax a while ago. No one's gonna come after us.
Oh, great. It looks like the rogue Rock and his friend are off doing shenanigans. And even worse, the readings I'm getting from that scar of his are frightening. We'll have to make contact with this Earth soon.
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN...
THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!
So...now what?
You two are still here? Well, I suppose since you both are here, I could send you off to help out with a recent case...
You need to help find and bring back the being originally responsible for this catastrophe.
Is that really the answer to our problems? Tell me....
Alright, I've made it. This must be The Chaos Zone universe's earth.
Now all I have to do is find Alter. Though where could he be..?
What about the meteor? It was a bluff, it'll be days until that thing hits.
Yeah, but when it does, the first person they'll go to is you.
D'aww, quit nagging. Nothing bad has happened to us yet, right? And I still have this fancy-schmancy amulet, right? So what's the rush for?
That's definitely him. I need to get his attention somehow, but I can't cause a scene....hmmm...
Oh, what am I worrying about? We're all the same people, so we should be equally reasonable! I shouldn't have anything to worry about!
That'll work!
He wasn't wrecked too badly, was he?
Nah, we can definitely bring our bro back. We might need a few dudes worth of help, though...
How about a "dude" and a "dudette"?
That'll work, man!
...Well, our work here is done.
Actually, it isn't. Those three mechas are still on the loose.
So what? They lost their medallions. And even if they find more, who cares? We'll just beat them again. How much more powerful can they get?
...Ah, what another fine day... A little surprising that nothing has attacked Angel Island during all the chaos down there... But at least the Master Emerald is safe.
What the-!? HEY! YOU!
...Stay away from the Master Emerald!
Look, if someone wanted to come after us for having a stupid medallion, they would have did it a page ago. I'm pretty sure nothing we do for the time being will have any consequence.
True. But after everything that happened, what with that Jazz guy and Anthem and his cronies, I think we could go without a conflict.
...You're probably right. Maybe we should move to a private area-
*ahem*
...And now we're too late. No going back from here.
..Alright, what do you waaaaaaaaaa-
Aaaaaaaaaaaw, crap, it's one of them.
One of what?
Remember the Council of Quint
holes that are obsessed with me that I told you about? Yeah. He's probably one of them.
"Alterock", was it? Nice to meet you. I'm Q-4827. I've been sent by the Co-
Where'd they go?
H-hey! Wait a second!
Look, you can't be here! Your very existence here could lead to catastrophic effects!
Would you believe me if I told you we've seen worse?
Have you?
....
......Great. They sent a total rookie after me. Hold on a minute, let me take care of this.
Look, we don't have to solve this with some arbitrary fight! Let's just talk this o-
Well, this has been a total waste of time... Not only have I found no heroes, but the problem just solved itself without me...
...Hang on, what on earth is tha-
Oh sh-
...You have 10 seconds to start explaining yourself.
Just a few more patches...
That should do it!
...bros?
Oh, thank heavens!
So glad to have you back, bro!
Thanks!
...erm, where was I, exactly?
Whoops! Uh... I'm really sorry about crashing into you! I was just trying to talk to a friend... associate..? Er...
H-him. I was talking to him on behalf of what the Council of Quints ordered me to do, but it seems like he doesn't really take kindly to the futuristic type.
The Council of Quints...? (Why does that sound familiar... Hang on... I think that my Quint has actually mentioned it before...)
(Yeah... I think he offered to convince them to grant me a spot, too... I declined, though... I don't exactly belong with the lot of them.)
Well, if you're a Quint, then you're a friend to me. I am ASN-001, Beta Man... Though people nowadays refer to me as Epsilon.
...So, what's it like, being a character of a non-bootleg game, anyways?
Peachy, I guess. (Whatever that nonsense means.)
Cool, cool. ...So, uh... Do you think Capcom is hiring?
Unlikely.
Really? Well, that's a shame.
...Say. What are you even trying to do, anyways?
What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying to catch the next plane back home.
...Aren't you one of those "Robotic Masters"?
...I am a Robot Master, yes.
Can't you just teleport back to your hometown?
...
...
...And this is the hole I was sent through, right?
Yep. I'm unsure how such a hole straight through the Earth was created, but...
...Wait, why do you a-
...
You know, pushing that guy in particular down that hole is oddly satisfying for me.
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