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Okay, let's see... First mission's got us returning to the intro field for... a Guard Module?
Nah, thumbs down, all the way. Those thing don't even let you boost your stats.
You know, there's quite a few missions over in this "Oil Wells" area.
Alright then, but if it's not worth anything, I'm gonna turn them do-
...Oh, HELL yes.
Listen up, Shired! We're gonna take ALL these Oil Wells missions! After all, Cut Man's in the area, and somehow also the person requesting that we get him a Speed Capsule and a Friendship Module!
And this time... Retro ain't gonna stop us from getting that Rolling Cutter.
You think you're so smooth, huh. Well you're ALSO just a third wheel, and you will NEVER be able to do ANYTHING major in the grand scheme of things. Face it, you're the weakest person in your whole unit. You're so weak that you barely even beat a single two-phase robot, even three on one. Hell, you can't even COWER properly! This is like, the 15th time an enemy discovered your hiding spot! In fact, I bet that if faced with a genocidal maniac that kills literally EVERYONE they meet, you'd run the hell away! That's the exact OPPOSITE of what a tank, or ANY kind of soldier worth their bolts, would do. And another thing? The only reason you're winning is because you're 3 levels above us. If my team was level 5, even I could probably one-shot you. That's how weak you are in comparison to literally anyone else, and you're NEVER going to catch up to any proper rescue team in terms of strength, skill, rank, wisdom, or pretty much any beneficial aspect.
Yeah, I can't argue against the fact that I have some REALLY trashy firepower. Then again...
...The edgelord over here has that covered in SPADES.
...What.
Well too bad, it's happening. Deal with it.
OF COURSE! Besides, neither of his team members can even USE Rolling Cutter effectively! All you had to do was spec 2 more points into speed, and I would've been able to give Shired the abilty to use Rolling Cutter! But NO, instead let's waste 2 whole points on Weapon Energy, and another point on Attack! What next, are you gonna make me lose Laser Shot permanently!?
And how do you expect THAT to work ou-
..That guy REALLY needs to stop talking to himself.
...Crap, then again, so do I.
Ugh, I STILL can't reach Cut Man! Why'd Retro have to park himself in the ONLY spot I can attack the guy!? I'm pretty sure I can't just use the 1 speed to cross an extra tile, either!
I swear, Met 1 BETTER SOMEHOW die to Shired's attack, or I'm going to somehow turn into a giant hand and slap Retro in the face.
Ugh, how come the recolors of Star Man and Acid Man get to spawn next to the objective, and WE have to start all the way over here!? I'm REALLY starting to wish I could somehow increase my Speed stat.
...ANYWAY, I'm gonna have every one of you listen up! Anyone who takes out Cut Man before either me or Shired can land a hit on him is probably going to get an
-kicking later on, courtesy of yours truly and my semi-temporary buddy Shired.
Hold on, I did NOT agree to this.
Well you didn't NOT agree, either. Now shut up and let's get over to Cut Man so we can bash his face in.
Holy
, that thing's way too close to the objective, and I'm not in a good spot to take care of it! Shired, go beat the crap out of it!
Can't, my attack is super low. I was designed to be an absolute defensive TANK, and as such my weaponry isn't all that good.
Well just hit the thing with a special weapon in that case, that should at LEAST make up for your lack of firepower!
Can't! It only creates gates in front of me, and I don't know what those do!
WELL DO THAT, THEN!! Now's a better time to find out than NEVER!
Oh hey, my spawn point is CONVENIENTLY ONE space diagonal of this Heli Metall.
Alexa, play "Diamond is Unbreakable ~ Main Theme ~".
...What.
Er, nothing, just go smack that guy with the chopper for a hat in the face.
...wait, what?
...okay. However, there apparently has to be TWO people on the same team, so you're gonna have to sprite that person's mugsh-
. Instead, I'm gonna be lazy and pull a mugshot from the database! You're gonna be tagging along with THIS GUY!
'sup? Name's Shired.
Waiiit a sec. That name seems familiar for some re-
I dunno, man. This is LITERALLY the first time I was aware you existed.
...can you PLEASE not talk about stuff like being unaware of somebody's existence? Doesn't really sit well with me.
Eh, don't see why not.
Phantasm
Shired
thing every 15 minutes.